Please help me with the end of "A Little Life" (spoilers)

Spoilers ahead. Also, discussion of SH and SI. First, if you hated this book, I complete understand why. I've read a number of reviews and respect people's negative opinions. However, I'm hoping for comments from people who loved it, or at least found meaning in it even after reading the end. I desperately want to find peace with it. This book was a 5 stars for me throughout. It actually became very meaningful to me; the length itself meant I had to spend more time with it than I do with most books. I didn't mind that Jude's backstory became so traumatic that it bordered (or more than bordered) on being unbelievable. I don't need my fiction to be completely realistic to love it and find meaning. The adored the themes of found family, friendship, and even the depiction of self-harm and unresolved trauma. How someone can find and deserve love despite not being "fixed." As a PTSD sufferer myself, I appreciate that this illness can be lifelong. I knew Jude was never going to find a fairytale ending. Even after Willem died (which really did surprise me- but then again, doesn't it prove the axiom that we shouldn't just focus on the mortality of ill or disabled people, because none of us really know our lifespan?) and I knew he wouldn't find romantic love again, I hoped for a meaningful ending for him. Of course I hoped Jude would heal enough for him to find peace with his parents and friends. For awhile I even thought perhaps those who loved him would release him of his obligations to them, and he would die peacefully by physician-assisted suicide (Andy). I could have accepted that. But to have Jude die by suicide painfully and alone was devastating. Especially after he chose to try and stay, and even try therapy. What meaning can I find in that? Sure, maybe it's "realistic" but see above about realism. After loving this book and the emotional investment I put in, I am practically begging for an interpretation of the ending that maintains the meaning of the important themes I describe above. I knocked it down 1/4 of a star for the ending alone, but I'd love to be able to reread it someday, or at least continue to think about it without experiencing only heartbreak. Can anyone help? submitted by /u/FoxyStand [link] [comments]

Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/1rho3mz/please_help_me_with_the_end_of_a_little_life/